she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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