The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize