I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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