i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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