There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
