Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
