never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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