you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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