Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
