He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
