Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
