So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
