just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
