non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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