You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
