My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize