I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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