My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
