i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
