Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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