Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
