pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
