Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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