I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize