The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize