I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
