i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
