Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize