I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
