it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
