I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
