I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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