So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
