I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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