hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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