I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
