sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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