Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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