I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
