The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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