doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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