Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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