I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
