my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
