wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
