I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
