we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
