I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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