i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
