saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize