But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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