we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
