Got a toothbrush?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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