Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When are your genitals available?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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