i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
