I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
