Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
