i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
