My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
