The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
