whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
