At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
