I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
