Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
