I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
