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i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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