come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't put those talents on a resume
don't judge my taste in strippers
Randomize
