I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize