walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
