I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
