Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Porn is love you can see.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
