Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
