I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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