you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
should my penis look like a turkey
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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