Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
