Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
