yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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