I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize