i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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