I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize