I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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