i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
God I need to hump something, right now.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
