My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
